“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Proverbs 13:12
There is a sweet little person living in China right now. And this person is a part of our family. He or she is an Eby. And even though we have never seen his face, we miss him. We have been waiting to be matched with him for four and a half months. When we began the wait on December 12, the trends at the time showed that we would most likely be matched within three months. This was also the case when we were waiting to be matched with Peter and Nathan, but we only ended up waiting two weeks with Peter and one month with Nathan. So we were pretty certain it would happen quickly this time around too. We even thought there could be a crazy chance we would be matched before Christmas.
So for the past 20 weeks, we have been a bit on edge. The activity in our house comes to a halt every time the phone rings. We all wonder if this could be it. At first this was fun and exciting. Any day could be the day we would find out who we are adopting.
After we were matched with both Peter and Nathan, there was a really long wait for the next approval- about a three month wait. And then there were other shorter waits, making it five and a half months from being matched with Peter until we could go get him, and it took four and a half months with Nathan. This wait was long partly because we were matched so quickly. Our paperwork in China had not been translated yet because it had just arrived there. So as the last few months have passed, I have been consoling myself with the idea that the wait after being matched will most likely be shorter than it was with the other boys. The long waits for Peter and Nathan, after having seen their faces, were really difficult for me. There aren’t words to describe how my heart hurt for them and longed for them during those times. It was painful to have to just wait while our paperwork took months going through all the appropriate channels. It was hard. So this time around, as the wait to be matched has stretched out before us, I figured that it was probably a lot easier to wait to be matched than to wait after the match.
But as the months have passed, our excitement has faded and we are just plain discouraged. A few weeks ago, I decided that waiting to be matched is just as hard as waiting after the match. Maybe harder. I am ready. We are all ready. We are ready to love our little one. We are ready for the hurt and longing that come after seeing his face. We are ready.
Last week our family coordinator at our adoption agency said that the trends are getting longer, and we may end up waiting six to nine months total. It could be shorter, but it could also be longer. Nine months would take us to September. This was a big disappointment, but a turning point in my heart.
We are big planners, Steve and I (and the kids by default). And we have done a pretty good job mapping out just how we thought things should go. Being the third time around, we thought we had a pretty good handle on this whole adoption situation. But God has shown us that we are maybe just a wee bit too planned out. And now we find ourselves with no choice but to wait. We are not in control. He is. And I have come to realize that this is exactly where we need to be. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I want to stop planning and let Him work. His plans are always much better than mine anyway.